I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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