Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
