I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
