he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
