Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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