covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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