the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
