grandma shit on top of the toilet
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
