walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
