The maid of honor just puked.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
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He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
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I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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