he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
