Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
