I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
