dude i'm inner monologue high
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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