Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
