You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize