come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
