The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
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I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
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You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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