then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Randomize
