i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
