Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
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You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's blow job season.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
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They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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