she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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