Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
