I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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