just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize