i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
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70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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