i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
