I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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