remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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