are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize