I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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