Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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