My underwear smells like fireworks.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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