That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
