I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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