i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
