I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
