i don't like sucking hair
Apparently you make a good broom.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
