At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize