fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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