the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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