she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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