If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize