; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
