I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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