She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
