i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
