just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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