The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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