i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
