i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
