covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
