It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
