He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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