Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
