I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
