So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
