All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
