I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize