he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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